Innocent
You were caramel cloud
before they laid you under the ground.
Wedding songs pass over the virgin grave.
Fireworks blast.
Your body in pieces, innocent.
You were her young daughter
a girl in the market, in a city at war.
You were their young sister
a girl at war in a city, in the market.
You were lost, innocent.
You were witness to their hate hug,
growing up, how many died
You were caramel cloud
before they laid you under the ground.
Wedding songs pass over the virgin grave.
Fireworks blast.
Your body in pieces, innocent.
You were her young daughter
a girl in the market, in a city at war.
You were their young sister
a girl at war in a city, in the market.
You were lost, innocent.
You were witness to their hate hug,
growing up, how many died
innocent?
‘Till your body could no longer contain
anger? You clung to your sister before
letting it crumble to pieces.
You were worried for her, innocent,
as she threw herself out in an embrace
you gave her your last breath. Dearest child,
you had the kindness of a hug for
each time of anger. But when them people
hug they reap hate and nurture anger…
anger? You clung to your sister before
letting it crumble to pieces.
You were worried for her, innocent,
as she threw herself out in an embrace
you gave her your last breath. Dearest child,
you had the kindness of a hug for
each time of anger. But when them people
hug they reap hate and nurture anger…
(1) Note: I had no idea what I will write for this prompt until I read Gautami's post. After reading it I found the story of Rachel Levy and Ayat al-Akhras. More here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ayat_al-Akhras
The poem is only a draft, I have many doubts about the last stanza but I wanted to give an idea about how the poem should end.
as for "them people" : it might not be correct English, but is very adequate Pittsburghese. and it is not that people here are that angry, but it sounded better than "those people"...
You should read Gautami's poem here: Undead for Eternity
14 comments:
You know I fully understand. It might be about Israel but is true for all terror attacks.
Can you link your poem with mine?
I am doing the same.
My link:
undead for eternity
That's a very powerful and well made poem. The warmth and physicality really drives the point home. Active and wonderful poetry, Annamari.
Gautami,
I did my best to link this to your original poem and post.
I tried to write this about all innocents and all terror attacks. I am not, like you, a witness of terrorism, but all the innocents that perish as a result of all this hate and anger it spreads around sadden me…
Paul,
I am glad you liked it...
The caramel cloud is a powerful way to begin the poem. How nice too that gautami's work inspired a response in you.
This is deep and very powerful.
Very intense. Very sad.
Sadly this kind of war is never over.
God bless the innocent!
Such tragedy--it's hard to find words.
i agree with christine that caramel cloud is very evocative, very powerful start
The way the unknown 'innocent?' appears visually pushed "outside" the poem was evocative.
thank you for all the kind comments,
I thought too that caramel cloud is a strong start. I wish I could find a similar image to end the poem...It seemed important to me to try to picture this for other people: how awful, sad , painful it is to grow with hate and feel righteous about your hate. How you can hurt your own children raising them that way...For I witnessed this hate in the most unexpected people ...
Part of writing is to capture how we use language so 'them people' is appropriate. It's about being authentic.
More to say, but I'd like to read this several more times first. Have you read A Thousand Splendid Suns? Not great literature but a very good story that gives an intimate account of what it means to live in a violent place. The novel wasn't bout terrorism, still like this poem the novel, is intimate and evokes a strong emotional response for me. Thanks for the read.
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