Wednesday, September 2, 2009

a translation for readwriteprompt #90

Since I busied myself with school, work and some translation lately, I haven't wrote anything worth posting. Therefore my contribution to this prompt will be a translation. Well, it is the draft for a translation so i am open to any suggestions. So please hit the small dialogue bubble at the bottom to leave your comments.
Caveat:you need not understand the original language in order to make suggestions, any English idiom that seems misused, and word that you notice out of place, any grammar issues you bring to my attention are welcomed and much needed.


Amurg Violet
George Bacovia

Amurg de toamna violet ...
Doi plopi, in fund, apar in siluete
-Apostoli in odajdii violete -
Orasul tot e violet.

Amurg de toamna violet ...
Pe drum e-o lume lenesa, cocheta;
Multimea toata pare violeta,
Orasul tot e violet.

Amurg de toamna violet ...
Din turn, pe camp, vad voievozi cu plete;
Strabunii trec in palcuri violete,
Orasul tot e violet.

Autumn's Violet Dusk Violet T
wilight


Autumn’s twilight, violet... dusk is violet…

Two poplars in the background, flyby silhouettes
-Apostles clad in violet-
The whole town becomes violet.

Autumn’s twilight, violet... dusk is violet…
The trendy passersby are indolent
The crowds seem to be clad in violet
The whole town becomes violet.

Autumn’s twilight, violet...
dusk is violet…
And from the tower I see the ol’princes on the fields;
The sires will pass by in violet heaps,
The whole town becomes violet.

5 comments:

Paul said...

Beautiful. Your translation seems perfect, it certainly conjures a kind of heavy Autumn dusk mood. It's great to be introduced to new poets that we wouldn't otherwise be able to read.

Annamari said...

Thank you and than I will translate more.
No critiques?

Paul said...

Nope, no critiques. In the end you are the only one who can decide if it is finished or not.

anthonynorth said...

Well it certainly seems good to me. It communicates the scene beautifully.

Annamari said...

Paul,

one of the issues I have with poetry translations from Romanian to English is that the translator seems to ignore this one fact: Romanian language is a lot more flexible than English. Thus, some of these translations just do not sound right in English...And, I am afraid that neither do my translations.

Anthony,
thank you