Sunday, August 17, 2008

Tanka

His dark hips
kiss my white sand-
eyes wide shut
I dive deeper in
the mist of my dream.


... my attempt to capture the moment.

14 comments:

christine said...

Nice– a memorable personification of sleep and dreams.

anthonynorth said...

Ah, the time when our mind comes truly to life.
Well put.

Nathan said...

A lovely image. I really like "white sand."

gautami tripathy said...

I like the tanka...

plunging in the tunneled abyss

Annamari said...

thank you.
I like white sand too, it makes the best beaches...

Crafty Green Poet said...

lovely imagery in this...

Linda Jacobs said...

I like this because it doesn't quite say what I expect it to. Instead, it tickles my brain!

Annamari said...

Juliet- I aimed for lovely images this time.
Linda-
That makes two of us :(. I am glad you like it though..
But I do not think it is good for this type of poem. It was supposed to be more of a realist approach and not exactly an open metaphor…

Linda Jacobs said...

Well, I didn't expect hips to be kissing and loved that you did that. I would normally expect lips, instead, but hips just brought so many images to mind.

Then I was thinking he would be kissing her white shoulder. Again, sand is a delight!

odessa said...

when i first read this, i thought the "h" in "hips" was a typo because i was expecting lips. but when i read it again, it makes sense. i love this, totally open to the reader's interpretation.

durablepigments said...

Nice imagery with the dark/light contrast and the "white sand," and sense of dreaminess throughout...

AmbiguityLotus said...

I love the water/beach elements in this piece because they capture the dream-like quality of something romantic.

Thank you for sharing!! And also, thank you so much for visiting my poetry journal at Livejournal! :)

Annamari said...

thanks.
I just had this recurrent dream about this dark skinned man laying naked on an white beach . (Dark as in very, very tanned. Mainly a sign that I need a vacation -so it is mostly an expression of desire than one of romantic love. But I have to admit that it could very well be a personification of sleep (dark sleep) or dark hips kissing an white shoulder or...

rootcellar said...

I liked the hips (not lips) kissing, too. You did a great job of capturing the dream quality here.