Juliet- I aimed for lovely images this time. Linda- That makes two of us :(. I am glad you like it though.. But I do not think it is good for this type of poem. It was supposed to be more of a realist approach and not exactly an open metaphor…
Well, I didn't expect hips to be kissing and loved that you did that. I would normally expect lips, instead, but hips just brought so many images to mind.
Then I was thinking he would be kissing her white shoulder. Again, sand is a delight!
when i first read this, i thought the "h" in "hips" was a typo because i was expecting lips. but when i read it again, it makes sense. i love this, totally open to the reader's interpretation.
thanks. I just had this recurrent dream about this dark skinned man laying naked on an white beach . (Dark as in very, very tanned. Mainly a sign that I need a vacation -so it is mostly an expression of desire than one of romantic love. But I have to admit that it could very well be a personification of sleep (dark sleep) or dark hips kissing an white shoulder or...
14 comments:
Nice– a memorable personification of sleep and dreams.
Ah, the time when our mind comes truly to life.
Well put.
A lovely image. I really like "white sand."
I like the tanka...
plunging in the tunneled abyss
thank you.
I like white sand too, it makes the best beaches...
lovely imagery in this...
I like this because it doesn't quite say what I expect it to. Instead, it tickles my brain!
Juliet- I aimed for lovely images this time.
Linda-
That makes two of us :(. I am glad you like it though..
But I do not think it is good for this type of poem. It was supposed to be more of a realist approach and not exactly an open metaphor…
Well, I didn't expect hips to be kissing and loved that you did that. I would normally expect lips, instead, but hips just brought so many images to mind.
Then I was thinking he would be kissing her white shoulder. Again, sand is a delight!
when i first read this, i thought the "h" in "hips" was a typo because i was expecting lips. but when i read it again, it makes sense. i love this, totally open to the reader's interpretation.
Nice imagery with the dark/light contrast and the "white sand," and sense of dreaminess throughout...
I love the water/beach elements in this piece because they capture the dream-like quality of something romantic.
Thank you for sharing!! And also, thank you so much for visiting my poetry journal at Livejournal! :)
thanks.
I just had this recurrent dream about this dark skinned man laying naked on an white beach . (Dark as in very, very tanned. Mainly a sign that I need a vacation -so it is mostly an expression of desire than one of romantic love. But I have to admit that it could very well be a personification of sleep (dark sleep) or dark hips kissing an white shoulder or...
I liked the hips (not lips) kissing, too. You did a great job of capturing the dream quality here.
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