Thursday, January 15, 2009

Readwritepoem #61

Note din perioada de depresie

In saptamana asta de goluri metafizice, chemo si facturi ingramadite pe birou:

m-a inghitit

un timp tampit,

un melc ciobit si rasucit –

din care musc

ca din covrig.

Si-am obosit

sa strig

mi-e sete Doamne de repaos.


Depression notes

In this week of metaphysical holes, chemo and bills piling up on my desk

A stupid time

devouring me

(and time 's a dinged,

twisted snail).

I bite it like

once I bit

a pretzel.

I'm tired

to yell.

Lord, I long for my reprieve.

other poems for the prompt (your dialect) are shared here.

PS:I had finally figured how to insert the audio file


22 comments:

Crafty Green Poet said...

You use some really vivid and unusual phrases here to convey the state of depression, i really like time is a dinged twisted snail.

anthonynorth said...

Interesting phraseology. The despair is certainly felt.

BB said...

I really sense the yearning here.

http://geoffreyphilp.blogspot.com/ said...

I admire the physicality in the poem that is discussing an internal conflict... excellent!

Annamari said...

Juliet

When I write in Romanian images become secondary to the language, when I write in English I focus more on images because my language is poor(er).
I think I should try to re-write most of the translation. The original is built on (almost) meaningless rhythmic repetitions and a sensation of emptiness.
Anthony, BB
Thanks.

Annamari said...

Geoffrey,
thank you

But I am still aiming for a better translation.

angie said...

I like the translation, the visceral feeling of it.

I really enjoyed the original, too...especially since I had no idea what it says. It was just a pure experience of sound--or what I assume the sounds would be--and that was cool. It would be wonderful to hear you read it.

SweetTalkingGuy said...

chemo si facturi ingramadite - I know exactly how you feel!

I'm dying to get out of here!

Julie said...

This is beautifully poignant and so powerful! I found myself loving the original, too, even though I had no idea what it meant. The sounds (or what I perceived the sounds to be) are very powerful.

As for the imagery and meaning of the poem, it is fantastic. "Chemo and bills piling up on the desk" is so right on. It's hard enough to deal with chemo...then the bills are screaming. Beautiful work.

PenMeAPoem said...

This poem certainly conveys a sense of suffering.

Annamari said...

Angie,
thank you. I will record it.
Andy,
I wish you hope.
Now I feel sad to make somone relate to close to this.
Julie,
thank you. Yes it was meant to add dramatism. I felt lately that many people lost hope due to the ole eonomic picture, wars etc. and I tried to capyure that
PenMe
thank you

rob kistner said...

a strong sense of frustration that resonated pointedly...

christine said...

You go to the heart of what makes life so hard sometimes - bill, illness, and the decaying effect of time. How did you like translating from your native tongue? At least I'm assuming Romanian is your first language. Anyway, interesting images.

joacadeamine said...

si mie mi-ar placea sa aud varianta audio - exact la asta ma gandeam inainte sa citesc comentariile :)

:*

O.

artpredator said...

the twisted snail is an awesome image and the "dinged" aspect especially poignant in context of the whole

thanks for sharing the romainian--at first i thought it was a magic language, a personal language, it seems so ancient

Annamari said...

Rob,
thank you
Christine
It was an interesting experience, but it is hard. If you try to preserve the symbols, you mess the rhythm and rhyme. If you strive to maintain the specifics of the language you miss the meaning.
For example a closer translation for the first two lines would be “I got swallowed by/and idiot time” but in English that “by” at the end and the long vowels spoil the whole effect of the original. I shall practice more. And yes, Romanian is my maternal language.
O.
Are si varianta audio. Mi-a luat doua ore sa o pun pe blog -ca bloggerul nu are un update pentru file audio. Si, in plus, am trac cand citesc.Dar sper ca a iesit ok …
Gwen
Thank you. An ancient language, that’ll be cool. But Romanian is quite contemporary and we even have words one can easily understand like “bloger” or “sistem de operare Windows”

SweetTalkingGuy said...

Hi Annamari, I love your poem and I just listened to your spoken version, the words sound wonderful!

When I said 'I'm dying to get out of here!' it was my attempt at empathy with your last line. 'Lord, I long for my reprieve.'

Best regards Andy

angie said...

Thanks, Annamari for the voicepost!

It was wonderful--I listened to it over and over and I really enjoyed reading your poem along with it, learning some new sounds.

Thank you!

to-morrow said...

Despair and submission to the Fate? Powerful rendering of feelings. A very good poem.
For a splendid translation of Romanian poetry (Eminescu) into English, please take a look at http://www.gabrielditu.com/eminescu/contents.asp
You will find there the work of Corneliu M Popescu, a very gifted translator, who passed away when he was 19 years old (in the earthquake of 1977).

Paul said...

Time twisting in on itself like snailshells and pretzels, the English one is a very good poem, evocative of the trapped energy-less feeling even if you are not happy with the translation. (It is one of the most difficult things in the universe to do well, translating poetry.) I can't listen to the reading cos I'm at work, but I will when I get home, it will be perfect, I know.

Annamari said...

andy
I am glad that it was manly my mis-interpretation
angie

thank you for returning

to-morrow
thank you. yes despair. and fatigue.

Paul
your comment is wonderful and lifts my spirit, as always. thank you...

Paul said...

It rolls and rhymes and sounds wonderful, what a beautiful sounding language.