...since it seems that if want to forget something it stays forgotten, my draft is about something I wanted to remember:
You allowed my fingers
to flow, jail free, over
the dampness of the chestnut table.
I allowed my fingers
to seize a small saffron book
with a calf-binding cover …
… I still hold in this binding:
the cowherd and his story,
the calves and the smell of hay,
and all our memories jailed
in a clay pipe and few ashes
of G. L. Pease
the Piccadilly blend.
more memories here.
9 comments:
Hi, Annamari. It's so good to see you again. I love your poem. The images are powerful. I especially like how it engages all of my senses, especially smell. The last stanza is excellent. There's a touch of something dark in there for me, maybe it's the image of the ash and the use of the word "jail." I will read it again to see what I missed. But I love the poem. It's my favorite one of yours so far.
Very powerful, bound in a few short stanzas. It's been said that some people have the psychic ability to pick up scenes, impressions, etc, just from touching an object -- and while your last stanza may be grounded more in the physical sensations of the book, it reminded me of this ability. Did that make sense? I enjoyed the read.
Such a powerful memory here, beautifully told.
nice word choice: "saffron" beautiful in sound and color.
also...
nice parallel of ideas. the "jail-free" in the beginning and "jailed" at the end of the poem. that works really well.
That is a wonderful poem.
Julie,
I appreciate your detailed comment. I like the last stanza the most as well. The prompt suggested to should focus on the way we remember the smells, so i guess i did something right if it does evoke smell.
As for the dark touch - well it was a discovery poem. So maybe there is something dark within me - it's only human after all.
Nicole
You make perfect sense. Sometimes when I hold an object or smell it I can experience certain memories quite vividly. It is not exactly psychic -but similar somehow-
Anthony
i was hoping "beautifully told" , thank you
nubia
...and the saffron smells like hay, I think...I had always been mesmerized by saffron when reading oriental stories. Oh, and the Picadilly blend is supposed to be sweeter than the other (tobacco blends) with a hint of cinnamon and citrus. Aged it smells like dried apricot and nectarine with hints of wood smoke, leather and coriander. From the GL Pease website...
Paul Thanks. Can you see the effect the last translations had on my writing?
I love this detail:
a small saffron book
with a calf-binding cover …
And I love the image of memories, failed:
and all our memories jailed
in a clay pipe and few ashes
Thanks!
I enjoyed this a lot... the subtleties of the phrasing and simple beauty.
Paul,
thank you for visiting. And for your unique interpretation.
Francis,
"subtleties" tickles my ego...
Post a Comment